Don’t get blue over blue.
If you too are a Gender Phobic Mom-To-Be (see my Gender Phobia post if you haven’t already), then these tips are for you.
1. Find out the Gender.
Just like the rules of gravity and relativity, this too is an immutable, universal law. If you have a gender preference, unequivocally find out the sex. Post labor, you will be exhausted, in pain, terrified and elated, foggy and groggy, overwhelmed and underprepared.
You will not have the capacity to deal with a gender letdown on top of the newness of a newborn. And trust me, you don’t want those involuntary, dark emotions wreaking havoc on your already fragile post-birth self. Bottom line: do not wait until the baby is born (but you certainly do want to wait until around the 16 week mark, when the doctor is certain of the sex. You don’t want any “maybes”).
2. Boy, Girl, I don’t care! As long as it’s healthy!
Expectant moms who struggle with gender preferences do not need to be told that as long as the baby is healthy, that’s all that matters. Nor do we need to be told that all babies are a miracle, especially when so many people are struggling to conceive. Do you actually think that we don’t know that? Do you not think that we already know that a healthy baby should come before all-else? Do you not think we are already guilt laden over the fact that we are so messed up? That we’ve already failed the Good Mommy test? Take your high horse and park it somewhere else.
3. Put a handle on the guilt.
We’re all familiar with the term, “Mother’s Guilt”. But don’t invite it into your life this early on in the game. Your foetus cannot hear your thoughts. Your foetus will not know that you were hoping for another sex. Your foetus will not feel rejected. And no, your foetus will not need counselling to work through issues of self-confidence and trust. The awful feelings you feel, and the awful things you think when you find out you’re expecting the opposite of what you wanted, will not have any effect on your unborn child. There is enough to feel guilty about already, don’t add this to the list (I feel guilty for even writing this blog rather than playing with my son, mooing like a cow and quacking like a duck).
4. Don’t get blue over blue.
Just cause it’s a boy, doesn’t mean that blue needs to feature in your life. Make room for grey. So much grey. And navy. Yes, technically a derivative of the primary colour blue, but it really bares no resemblance to the blue so often associated with boys. A boy’s nursery can be every bit as hipster as his wardrobe.
5. Don’t ruin this for your partner.
There was Wayne, my sweet, gentle husband, finding out he was about to become a first time daddy to his very own son. And there I was – stripping him of what should have been one of the happiest moments of any Dad’s life. I’m not going to beat myself up over this, but if you find yourself in a similar situation, rather just fake it until you make it. Even if its just for those few minutes in the doctor’s rooms. Hold back the tears for a small grace period, so that your partner can have his own moment, too.
6. Girls are complicated. Moody. Bitchy. Bratty.
As you may be able to tell, I’m complicated enough. My hubby wouldn’t know what to do with 2 of me! And let’s be honest. The very fact that you have identified with me on all of the above, means that you are also an already emotionally complex person. Now think about all the girl stuff you have endured, from heartbreak and insecurities, to the constant struggle with the scale versus the fridge, and then be grateful that perhaps your boy will be spared this girl drama.
7. Everyone will tell you that boys love their mommies.
And yes, it’s true. Oh, to be loved by a little boy.
8. There is so much more to teach boys about the world.
From the rain forests to arctic igloos, dinosaurs and dodos. I marvel at my little boy’s wonderment at the world. His already keen interest in the mechanics of his toys. I get excited every time I drive past a bulldozer because I know that very soon that will become the favorite part of our daily drives.
9. Tea parties can’t touch the fun you’ll have.
Boys aren’t delicate. My little man and I don’t play quietly with our plastic china set. We rough it up. I throw him around. I chase after him. We screech. I toss him and turn him and dunk him. And he loves it.
10. Dress him. And dress him well.
Put a little girl in a pretty dress, with matching tights and a headband, and well, she’ll look cute. All you need is a dress and a bow. Piece of cake. Boys clothes on the other hand are a whole new domain. An undiscovered world of trend setting adorableness. And it’s an actual challenge, one that I have gladly accepted. From slouch beanies and high top sneakers, to harem pants and washed denim – we even own clear-lensed baby hipster rimmed glasses. Yes. That is a real thing.
Don’t however confuse this method of coping with a trip to your local baby store. This will only to exacerbate an already exacerbated problem. Because in these aisles, you will not find much other than primary-colored-Batman-themed-corduroy-elasticised-pants. Pair this with green socks, and a Mickey Mouse bib, and well you have, the very reason I never wanted a boy in the first place.
Do not settle. I take dressing my boy very, very seriously. And it gives me great joy. Just look at him, and you’ll see what I mean 🙂
So there you have it… boys (and blue) ain’t that bad after all.